The Sharpened Spoon

AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! I hate "Christian" bookstores! As with most of my opening statements, allow me to explain. I am a firm believer that Jesus was a practitioner of the K.I.S.S. principle. For those who don't know, that stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. How, you may ask, does this apply to the subject at hand? I will tell you, my friend.

Yesterday, it seems much longer ago, I had several moments to spare between meetings and decide to kill some time perusing the aisles of a local merchant who's name I will only say begins with "Mard" and ends in "ell". I went, as is my custom on such occasions, directly for the cheap stuff in the bargain shelves. I passed over several books which I will probably read in the future but was just not inclined to purchase on the day in question and was just ambling down the aisles reading the spines of the different books when it struck me, (now this is not an original thought, nor is it my first time at this particular rodeo, never the less) Why would it require seventeen thousand volumes all more than four hundred pages to accurately depict what God has to say about the economy?

Let me back up a bit. God, okay? God, creates the universe in seven days. Then walks through six thousand odd years of human history making friends. Out of these friends he picks a few dozen and asks them to record certain details of his interactions and ideas in the process of providing a snapshot, as it were, of himself and how he chooses to interact with humans. He protects these written documents through various means and reveals them to us. We quickly compile and organize, (which may have been our first mistake, I mean how many times has the Truth been obfuscated by the simple fact that "that verse is in the next chapter"?) then set about to make as many versions, translations, editions whatever as possible.

During all of this the original text essentially stays the same, sixty-six books, right? (okay now, this is not the conversation where we break out the apocrypha, the lost gospels, etc) IF you add all of the documents that have ANY valid claim to being a part of the "Judeo Christian" scriptual record, they still could not compare in sheer volume and variation with the mounds of worthless crap adorning the shelves of only ONE DEPARTMENT of the modern Christian Superstore! And most of this has been produced not only within the context of American history, but within the last half century!

Then I turn the corner from the bargain bins and look out across the vast array of competing viewpoints, wow! There's this video, and granted I didn't listen too much because by this time I am feeling a little sick, and a guy sitting on a stool telling me that the circumstances of my life dictate that I should purchase THIS BIBLE that THIS BIBLE versus any other will bring the truth of God's word to bear on my life more powerfully because it has been prepared by the greatest theological minds of our times! Well, whoopteedoo! Look, I'm sure these guys are great. I'm sure that many of their viewpoints are valid and insightful, but here's the thing...

There was this guy named Balaam, remember? This guy was called as God's prophet to Israel. Then a king came and made him an offer he couldn't refuse, riches beyond his wildest dreams to speak a simple curse against a tribe of nomads from Egypt who were eating all his grain. God said, "No, they are blessed, don't do it," Balaam spent a couple days allowing them to offer more and more money until he finally cracks and goes to speak the curse, an angel and a talking donkey got involved and you remeber the rest....POINT?

When all of these "teachers" "Preachers" and "Prophets" have tied their livelihood to their individual publishing empires, who speaks for God? Look, I hate money. Anybody who knows me knows it is rarely a motivating factor in my decisions, however, when one of my acting students threatens to withdraw based on something that is within my power to change my ability to make the "right" choice gets clouded. You know you should spend more time with your family, but your boss needs this, your boss, needs that, what about my promotion I won't get if I do the right thing? SERIOUSLY! If my ability to make a living is contingent upon my getting enough people to to read my prophetic utterance in the guise of the next bestseller, HOW CAN I REALLY SAY ONLY WHAT I HEAR GOD SAY????!!!

So.. I realllly hate Christian book stores, because to me they represent how the Men of God of today have prostituted themselves into preparing "doctrine" that will tickle the ears. Are you still there or did I officially piss everbody off? Hello? Oh well, I said what I needed to say.