When I finished my rant the other day, I realized there were a few categories I had left out entirely, so, not wanting to offend only a small part of my audience, I decided to write a follow up. I cannot tell you how much better it feels to not be holding back anymore. It is exhilarating to finally be free to say whatever I really think. Now, as a writer, do not get me wrong, there are filters in place, and I have no desire to share any intimate details of my romantic life, or anything like that, but just to stop avoiding things because of people's opinions. It feels great!
So, in no particular order, here are a few more things I think
most people should think about again, since their opinions seem to be
half baked, and indefensible. Here we go.
Might as well start with God's greatest invention. That's right,
sex was God's idea and not the Devil's, and being the father of
eight, married to my high school sweetheart, I have a lot of things
to say on the subject. First, I believe that God's best is for loving
adults to be in a lifelong committed monogamous relationship. Part of
the reason for that is that sex, like fire, is awesome, but can be
potentially harmful in a lot of ways.
That being said, premarital sex is hardly the worst thing you
could ever do. I mean, murder, rape, and a few others would
definitely top the list. If my kids are reading this, it is the second worst, next to murder, which is what your mother is going to do when she finds out. So, keep your clothes on!
So, why is it Christians get so freaked out
whenever sex gets mentioned, after all, there is an entire book of the
Bible devoted to how, when and why you should be doing it! Solomon
had some pretty kinky euphemisms as well, but I digress.
Here is the truth, married people, statistically speaking, have
more sex than non married people, and report enjoying it more! It's
true, we are also more adventurous, having more varied sex than our
single counterparts! That's right!
So, what about the young among us? Should we teach them abstinence
only? In a perfect world, I believe that everyone would wait for the
right person. This is not that world. While it sucks that people
other than their parents are frequently the ones to share the details
of reproduction with kids, there is one way to handle that. Inform
your kids early! Give them as much clinical detail as they can sit
still for, as soon as they ask! Do not hide it from them! (not
suggesting putting the video of your wild weekend on the big screen)
there is a HUGE difference between "private" and "secret".
When we hide things from our kids, we have no one to blame but
ourselves for their mishandling of the subject. Once they are old enough to engage in sexual activity, they should know, the good and the bad. Educate your children about stds and birth control as well. While I agree, I don't want my kids giving up before marriage, I don't want grand kids until they have a family to be part of.
So, I think you should talk to them about the beauty of it, admit
that it's the most fun you can possibly have inside a human body, and
tell them about the dangers of it too. Don't worry that exposure will
encourage them to experiment. If you tell it to them in context and
share your hope that they will wait for a mate, most kids will want
to meet that expectation. Under NO circumstances do I EVER agree with
parents shaming, or threatening children regarding sex. True, that
while they are minors, they are your responsibility and their actions
can effect you, so let them know that. This is not a thing where all
of the repercussions always stay between to the two people involved.
(watch Jane the Virgin for a hilarious take on how that works)
Your job is to love people, not judge them, including your kids.
If you restrict them unnecessarily in this regard, you will regret
it. They are going to make their own choices, so grow up and realize
that you cannot program, and even if you could, you have made plenty
of mistakes, and would not be a good cloning model for the human race
any more than anyone else!
Yes, encourage your kids, provide them with a good example, but
recognize that they ARE already autonomous, you don't get to grant
that to them, they have ALWAYS had the power to make their own
choices, just because you managed to make them believe this was not
true, it was. They are born with the ability to rebel. It is choice
that makes obedience powerful, not coercion.
If your child hurts someone with sexual behavior, as in the case of rape, or child abuse, you must allow the courts to do their job. Do not ever consider covering up for someone you love, as their next target may already be picked out.
I myself, am not a fan. I drink, a very little, something I
started at the grand old age of 38, and I have never had more than
five beers in a twenty-four hour period, and that was on an adult's
only vaca week to Vegas where I had no responsibilities for my
kids, or the need to drive. I don't like the way I feel when I take
cold medicine, or benadryl and would not be lined up to take
advantage of recreational marijuana were it ever made legal here. ( I
live in Oklahoma which had prohibition until 1959) I don't like
feeling out of control, don't like the burn of alcohol, the feeling
of light headedness, or the realization that I am talking way too
So, there you have it, I don't like it they should continue to ban
it and jail those who publicly disagree. It will make the world a
better place, right? Not exactly. I am a libertarian, and I really
need to change my voter registration, so the poor RNC can stop
calling me! I believe that drugs should be legal. I think that we
have laws protecting people from rape, murder, pedophilia, reckless
driving, destruction of private property, larceny, burglary, breaking
and entering, trespassing, lude behavior, assault, battery, bank
robbery, armed robbery, stalking, harassment, and public indecency.
So many laws that protect people from the behaviors most commonly
associated with the use of illegal substances, so WHY do we need to
criminalize the act of ingesting the substance?
If you want the real answer, follow the money. Start with private
prisons being a multi-billion dollar industry, with guaranteed
occupancy of 80-90% in many cases. (yep, it's true
Then look into how much money police and other govt agencies get
from seizures of private property
Then move on to the fact that this is a primary motivator for the
militarization of police forces, and other government expansions, and
one could make a very good case that the war on drugs has been good,
mainly for one person, Uncle Sam.
I am for decriminalization of most drugs. As I said, there are
already laws against all of the seediness and public danger they
create. (if they do in fact create danger, we have not had a free
society for so long, our perspective on this issue may be a bit
skewed) It would empty out our prisons, stop man dangerous no-knock
raids that are killing innocents and put a black market out of
existence. Tax it, I suppose, although I think all govts on all
levels waste more than enough now, and do not deserve any more.
This one is going to be a bit tricky. But I think there are some
things that need to be said. Let me start by saying, that the sex
trade is a complete abomination, and in every case where people are
subjected to ANY sexual behavior, or performance, through coercion,
or threat of violence, or monetary blackmail, or whatever. If a
person is not engaging willingly, knowing and believing that they
have a choice, the ones "forcing" this behavior should be
sent away for a very long time.
I do not believe that there is anything AT ALL dirty, inherently
sexual, or obscene about human nudity. Period. It is not the images
in these materials that make it what it is, it is our depraved
thinking. In the beginning, God created us to commune with him and
each other in a perfectly innocent and completely unclothed state. We
have the puritans to thank for much of what we believe about human
sexuality, and they believed that even during married sex God left
the building. Literally, if you died during intercourse, you were
I also do not believe that all depictions of the naked human form
are pornographic by nature. I have appreciated the beauty in
paintings, sculpture and photography without lusting, many times. But
just as a glossy car spread can cause the seeds of envy, jealousy and
covetousness to grow, so too, these images can be misused.
Pornography, to me, is that form that depicts graphically, sexual
activity and the human body posed and exposed in ways that are
designed to elicit feelings of erotic desire. Not all things erotic
are pornographic, either though. This is all my opinion, let's move
The purchase of pornographic materials, at least on some level,
must be seen as a support to these types of activities, and for that
reason, is really not a good thing. That being said, I personally do
not agree with much of the teaching that has been prevalent on this
subject in the past few decades, on several levels.
First, I do agree that lust is a sin, just as gossip, lying and
cheating on your taxes are also sins. It bears the same penalty,
Biblically speaking, as do all sins. Pornography leads to lust. It
can damage relationships, create unrealistic expectations, and
encourages extramarital behaviors.
Now, for the part where I disagree. I do not believe that a single
usage of pornography is tantamount to adultery, and I do not agree
that it should be grounds for divorce. I think in many, many, cases,
some that I am personally aware of, that the use of standard
pornographic materials on a casual, or regular, but not compulsive
and disruptive level has been seen by many as the same as having an
affair. I understand the pain the spouse must feel, betrayal, and the
rest. I do. However, in many cases, the party engaged (typically men)
has never even contemplated actually approaching another living
breathing human being to engage in even a conversation about sex, let
alone engaged in the activity.
Yes, I realize that Jesus said that if you look on a woman to lust
after her you have committed adultery with her, already in your
heart. I did not say it was a good thing. It does occur to me,
however, that to hold someone to so high a standard in this one
regard, while the wife is watching Real Housewives, engaging in all
types of slanderous gossip, overeating and otherwise living in
destructive ways, puts way too much emphasis on this subject.
This does not excuse men from their duty to lead a pure life. When
you see that over 90% of respondents to almost any poll on the topic
admit to having used some type of pornography, it would stand to
reason that this is a fairly normal thing. Again, not right, but
human, and in most cases forgivable.
I, know what I have said so far will be seen by many as excusing
horrific behavior, I hope you hear me when I say, it is not my
intent. In a perfect world, all men would marry a woman they truly
cherished and thought of as the most beautiful in the world. I have
made it my habit to adjust my thinking so that my wife has truly
become the object of my desires, and the woman that I measure
physical beauty by, but not everyone is going to do that. It does not
mean that he is not a good husband, a fantastic provider and faithful
to his family.
There are some expectations that the modern world, church in
particular, has put on marriage and romance that have little to do
with the Biblical picture. Our modern day ideals about romantic love
and choices and feelings would be as foreign to someone from the
first century as air travel. It is not that they did not experience
these things, but they seem to have been more of a bonus than the
expected, daily norm.
Beyond the "normal", consensual adult behaviors depicted
in pornography, there are other categories, which present the abuse
of humans, the inclusion of children and animals. This is not at all
what I am talking about, and anyone who habitually seeks out these
things should seriously get some counseling, as you present a danger
to people around you. This is never okay. Again, it is sin, just like
any other, and forgivable, but it should be dealt with before rape,
murder, incest, bestiality and other things become a part of it in
more than just the fantasies of that individual.
In addition while I think it optimal that all men eliminate
pornography from their lives, for those of you who are financially
burdening your families, or find your compulsion is interfering with
your duties as a provider, husband or father, due to the time,
energy and money you are devoting to this habit, stop hiding and find
someone to help you. Shame and condemnation should not be a part of
this, it is not useful, but regret and repentance are both Godly.
On to something a bit lighter. I believe that all human
expression is useful. Some of it shows us what we should be, some of
it shows us what to avoid. Art and creative endeavors are a tricky
subject to navigate. When it comes to movies, books, music and
digital media, I am a pretty open person about what I watch. I watch
the things I enjoy. If I find that something disturbs me, or makes it
hard for me to be the person I know God is calling me to be, I don't
watch it anymore.
There is a concept that I have lived by most of my life. I refuse
to use some list of behaviors to avoid and things I cannot do. (well
except for murder, adultery, etc, LOL)
Paul said it like this in Corinthians:
If one of the unbelievers invites you and you want to go, eat
anything that is set before you without asking questions for
conscience' sake. But if anyone says to you, "This is meat
sacrificed to idols," do not eat it, for the sake of the one who
informed you, and for conscience' sake; I mean not your own
conscience, but the other man's; for why is my freedom judged by
Why indeed? SO, I watch what I want, I read what I want, and I
discuss it, like an adult. If I find that I have violated my
conscience, I repent and a I do not go back to it. But, I don't need
some general consensus of the believers around me, to buy a movie
ticket. This is something that many modern believers will all but
ignore. Our consciences have all but died from atrophy. You need to
exercise it to keep it sharp, or when you need it,and you can't call
for backup, it will not be there to protect you.
John tells us we don't need a teacher, Jesus promised to give the
Holy Spirit to guide us, God promised OT to write his law on our
hearts, and yet, we still think that human consensus is the best way
to make individual moral decisions, go figure.
I know there is more, but I think I've said enough for one day.
Thanks for reading, I hope it encourages you to think about what you