The Sharpened Spoon

I was in Guthrie for a day. My wife, who sells sex toys for a living, because it helps save marriages and what not, was at a craft and vendors fair at a church there. (wait for it, wait for it, that should be good for at least a comment or two) So, I had planned to spend the day visiting some good friends, at the Hancock Creative Shop and cruising around this great little Victorian town soaking up the vibe.

My friends the Hancocks are real, live artists, living in the wild, and they run this cool shop, which I know will not be open at 8 on a Saturday, so I go to the local Mickey D's to have my annual cup of coffee (I really am not a huge fan) and write for a while. I take some time choosing my seat, not sure why, but I just didn't feel “it” anywhere but up by the front window at a high table.

I write merrily along on this little writer's guide I was working on, which hopefully will be up on Amazon in the next day or so, and I spent probably a half hour in peace, sipping my overly hot black coffee. ( I know, but when I DO drink it, I like it black and bitter)

These two old timers sit down to share breakfast at a table beside mine and the conversation winds through politics and the world series until it gets stuck on the idea that any church that is not openly opposing the “gay agenda” from the pulpit is destined to send their members straight into a fiery afterlife.

I pretty much ignore it, but as the conversation continues one of the two begins to talk louder about “queers” and “gays” and “homos”. He comes to a point where he begins to describe a book to his companion, which has in it, every instance in which a law has been passed in these United States, regarding abortion, gay marriage, the list goes on.... Supposedly the book claims that with every stroke of the pen, God's wrath reigns down, and can be tracked, within 48 hours, a terrible tragedy will strike.

He links everything from the SanFrancisco earthquake to Katrina, to the Moore tornadoes into this web of his. “You can read it fer yerself. Right there, in black and white, them liberals pass a law, and God smites the land.” he ends with this grand proclamation. “Why do they think the Bible says No Homa-sexual, will enter in?” he seems very pleased, his friend quietly nods, and I lose my shit!

I walk over, and sit down. I look the man in the eye. “What else is on that list? You know, the one that says that no homosexual will enter into the kingdom of heaven.” he sits in stunned silence. “Well?”

This is the passage to which the gentleman is referring

On the contrary, you yourselves wrong and defraud. You do this even to your brethren. 9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

“You know that anyone who is ever had sex outside of marriage is on that list too? It also mentions the unrighteous, which scripture teaches us we all are, did you know that?” I ask, as politely as I can. “have you ever broken any of the laws of God? Jesus said if you break one, you are guilty of them all.”

“Well, that ain't the same, I repented. They can't just keep on living in their homo lifestyle, just going on screwing the next guy. Don't you know what God did down there in the Old Testament?”

“I know a little, what are you referring to?” I ask. He is warming to his topic.

“When that profit, that guy went to preach to the wicked city, to tell them to repent and then they asked for the men to be sent out so they could have their way with 'em. So, God sent his people to march around it seven times, and it was destroyed because o' homa-sexuals, it's right there in the book!” He smiles, “You must not believe in the Old Testament, are you defending homa-sexuality?”

“Sir, I am not defending anything. I would ask, though, if you intend to speak for the same Jesus I know that you would consider being a bit more loving in your approach. By the way, the profit you refer to, was Jonah, he went to Ninevah, they did repent, the men that asked to have the travelers for sex, were in Sodom, they did not repent, and as for Jericho, that was Joshua who led the people around the city, and homosexuality is not even mentioned in that story. You are confusing three completely separate incidents. That is a sign of ignorance. You, sir, are an ignorant bigot, could you please keep that to yourself?”

He called me names, said I was a gay lover, that I must be queer, that he bet I was a Methodist pastor who conducted gay weddings and then insinuated that I did not know anything about the Bible, probably never even picked it up.

“Well, no matter what I think about homosexuality, I cannot find any place in the Bible that tells me to do anything but love them.” I replied.

To which he laughed, lasciviously, “Oh, I bet you do plenty of that, don't you?” he looks to his friend for support.

“He's right. I don't like the way he came on about it, but he's right.” the friend said, got up and walked away.

“My brother's a homo, I don't need you telling me how to handle it. If he don't repent, he'll get what he deserves in the fires of hell. You're gonna be surprised when you find out who the Lord is!” the man says, as he adjusts his feed cap, spits in his coffee cup, folds his newspaper and storms out.

So, that's how I spent my Saturday morning. How about you?