Thursday, November 20, 2014
Halloween costumes come down, Christmas
lights go up, with the obligatory Pilgrim sandwiched in between for
good measure. The one holiday of the year, that should mean the most
to us in this particular place in time, when the vast majority of us
in this country have more than we need for mere survival, gets about
as much attention as Olympic Badminton.
Welcome back I know some of you just
now Googled Olympic Badminton to make sure I wasn't making things up,
and just like that little holiday between Halloween and Christmas,
commonly referred to as Turkey Day (don't say it, I believe I have
reached a stage of enlightenment that will allow me to throat punch,
straight through the internets) it surely does exist.
This day, first placed on the national
calendar by none other than the right honorable Abraham Lincoln in
1863, by placing it on the fourth Thursday of every November, a day
to give thanks, particularly to the creator, for the blessings we
have like turkey, pumpkin pie,football, cranberry sauce, eggnog,
mashed potatoes, stuffing.....( I jest, but that is a primary focus,
unfortunately)
Since then, there has been a near
cataclysmic slide into consumerism from Halloween, until Christmas,
and lest you think that this is a fairly modern thing, it stayed that
way until one fateful day in 1939 when good old Franklin D. Roosevelt
(you know the father of all that is socialist in America) in an
uncharacteristically capitalist move, changed it to the third
Thursday, to give greedy Americans more time to consume before the
Christmas holiday. Congress forced the change back again in 1941,
just in time for WW2!
So, there you have it, this particular
holiday, without any specific religious observance of note to hang
its hat on, had to wait nearly a century into the nation's childhood
to be born, and has been nearly shoved aside on more than one
occasion, by its nemesis, the American Consumer Market. Fast forward
to 2015. There is some precedence for this Biblically speaking, and
it comes from an odd place. Check out Deut chapter 12, bet you never
heard this tithe sermon before, did you?
So, although I
personally think that a day of fasting would be more appropriate for
a thanksgiving holiday, there is good evidence that God intended just
this sort of thing, in fact it was done every third year and the
whole tithe was spent on consumable party supplies!
As we approach what I believe to be one
of the most sacred days in the year, a day, when, although not
compelled by historical celebrations, we stop to give thanks, it is
clear that this day is under attack. I think, rather than the
thankfulness, and awareness of our amazing lives that ought to
accompany us every day, we barely pause for a breath, when we ought
to be stopping everything cold in its tracks for this momentous
occasion.
All throughout scripture, we are
constantly reminded that we ought to be thankful for what we do have,
at least as thankful, as we are miffed about what we don't have. If
there is any true magic in the world, Rhonda Byrne has uncovered it
in her book, The Magic, which I totally and wholeheartedly recommend
to anyone, without reservation, every human on this planet needs to
read this and apply it. “It only takes a few minutes in the morning
to use gratitude to Have A Magical Day by giving thanks for the
events in your day ahead of time, but this one practice alone will
change the way your entire day unfolds.”
― Rhonda Byrne, The Magic
― Rhonda Byrne, The Magic
The Magic
is all about gratitude, and what it does in a life where it is
practiced. Being thankful is such powerful magic, that you really
cannot overestimate the changes that occur around you in every day,
and in every thing, when you practice saying thank you!
So, I
encourage you to stop. No shopping on Thanksgiving. So many of us
complain about companies that are mean, and “force” employees to
work through this Holiday. Bullshit, it's a free country. Quit, but
don't say you were forced. Coerced, perhaps, but forced is another
thing. But, if you believe that isn't okay, put your checkbook and
your credit cards away, remember when stores were not open 24/7 and
no computer could bring the things of life to your front door through
almost no effort on your part, and take that time instead to
literally count, every single thing in your life that is good. If you
cannot get to at least five hundred, message me, I bet I can help
your ungrateful ass get it right!
Saturday, November 15, 2014
I am afraid to leave Church. I look and
look and cannot find almost any correlation between what exists and
the community that Jesus describes, I have tried, believe me. But,
even though I have come to the point where I am only attending
worship a couple of times a month, there is something in me that
makes me want it. Like a drug, that I know is not really good for me,
isn't even giving me the high it used to, but I still have a need for
it.
I tell myself that it is about wanting
a community, that I would miss the fellowship, but to tell the truth,
much of the “church fellowship” I have experienced in the last
ten years has been anything but beneficial and much of it has ended
poorly. I would like to say through no fault of my own, but I am
prone to insist on certain Biblical standards, and when people are
abused by an administration under one set of verses, while completely
ignoring another set that they are violating, I have a tendency to
speak up.
That is really not what I am trying to
talk about with this post, however, so, let me see if I can get this
started properly. While today's modern church, with its larger than
life real-estate portfolio and 501c3 non-profit status, is not found
in scripture, many of us were raised to believe that it was the
Kingdom of God. That is a problem.
A friend shared an article last night
that spoke of a group of believers who are fully committed to Jesus,
but are leaving the church because it is not giving the opportunity
they desire to minister to lost and hurting souls in the ways they
feel called to minister. The article was aimed at telling pastors how
to re-engage these people before they are lost forever. But, I don't
think they need to re-engage, I think they need to get away and
explore God! If this is you, don't let them lure you back in!
They are sick of authoritarian
leadership built on seminary degrees, or right of succession,
“plugging people in” where they think is best, while reserving
major decisions about direction, funds and other resources to
themselves. And I, for one, agree, but, even if it is only once a
month, I can't seem to shake the habit,and (Again, for me) I have
noticed there is a good bit of fear involved in that hesitancy. So,
what are we afraid of?
We are Afraid of Abandoning our
Faith
If you ask any
American, mainstream, evangelical Christian, what makes you a
Christian? Their answer is sure to include a few words about their
“personal” relationship with Jesus. But, although we have an
understanding that our door to conversation and relationship with God
is an individual one, that we must walk through alone, we still feel
that we need to the Church to help us maintain it.
Here are some
teachings that I have been going through to sort out good from bad,
that pertain to this.
- I need to be under “authority”, although 1st Samuel ch 8 kinda puts a big dent in this
- We should not foresake the assembly, although, I think that meant something different then
- I need a frame of reference for my “wroldview”
These things,
although I believe much of what I was taught was false, are still
lingering in my psyche.
We are Afraid of Being Judged
This is a huge one
for many of us. It is something I have dealt with my whole life, the
idea that I should live to avoid the “disapproval” particularly
of my elders, and church leadership. But the truth is that:
- Each man makes account for his own life (yeah, I know that one verse says they make account for us, but there's much more in there about personal responsibility)
- I am accountable only to God for how I spend my time
- I believe that there is no condemnation for me, as I am in Christ
This one probably
less now than in the past for me personally.
We are Afraid of Being Shunned, or
Worse Yet, “Evangelized”
We have all seen
it, the person who “refuses to repent” and continues to “live
in their sin” is turned away from, quoting a verse from Paul that
no one really understands about handing them over to the Devil. Or,
they put you on the “back-slidden” list and bug the crap out of
you to come back, after all, the only reason to leave is because
you're a prodigal, right?
The worst part of
modern shunning is it is silent. There is no agreement between
parties, they don't tell you you're out, they just stop calling, and
fill in any place you took with someone else. This is probably the
hardest part for many of us.
- Can I still be right with God, and not in “fellowship” with a local congregation of believers?
- Is it really worth losing all of my friends? (were they friends anyway, if you can lose them?)
- Will I be able to relate to people outside of the Church setting?
I believe all
three of these are clearly answered with a yes. It may take time but
you will find you have extra time to do things you have always
wanted, and as you think back, how much of what you spend time on in
church settings is really about God anyway?
We are Afraid to Trust Our Own Heart
to Hear God!
Scripture teaches
that the Holy Spirit indwells each believer, and that He is our
teacher. We know that God has talked to His followers down through
the ages, in the still small voice of the heart, and Jesus told us we
know His voice, and yet.....
We have been
raised to believe that, although it was stated otherwise, we need
professional guidance to find, interpret, and follow the will of God.
- We worry that it is our own pride, or laziness, or whatever, and not God calling us
- We worry that we will fall into sin if walk out the door
- We worry that we will miss some blessing which can only be received in a “corporate” setting
These may all be
legitimate concerns for some, but for most, these are deceptions too.
This is the drug talking, telling you that you need it to live!
It's Scary Hearing God for Yourself
Now it's time for
us to grow up and do something we should have been doing all along,
actually hear God for our own lives! He will speak, He does speak, He
is speaking and He will continue to Speak, whenever we listen, we
hear it.
It will take some
practice but you probably already noticed that church leaders have
been making up crap as they went along for a long time now anyway, so
don't sweat it.
- God's promise is to never leave or forsake us
- We can begin to truly see the Kingdom, maybe for the first time
- We are free to act on what God is prompting, without waiting for human guidance, or permission.
Of course you
should have relationships with others that you share this life with.
Of course, you should ask God to be clear, and even wait for specific
leading. That only makes sense, but you don't need anyone else to
tell you that, or do it for you!
As with so many of
my posts, I find that I am speaking to myself as much as I am to
anyone else. Here is my encouragement, if you feel God calling you
out, go! Go joyfully and freely, and do what He is showing you. Don't
be afraid of associating with churches, or church members, they love
Jesus too, but don't feel compelled, unless God is compelling you. Be
at liberty to serve when, where, who, how and in what way He shows
you with no apologies to anyone else, regardless of job title or
number of followers.
Friday, November 14, 2014
I was thinking about something today,
and I think we may have left something important behind when we
updated worship a couple of decades back. I think I have finally
realized why my Mother made sure we were in church at least three
times a week, and it wasn't just because she was a Church of Christ
minister's wife. No, as the mother of five boys and two girls, she
needed it. She needed to have six hours a week where she knew, beyond
a shadow of a doubt that we would exhibit our very best behavior!
Think of it, any of you who grew up in
the pre-emergent Church, did you ever hear this threat? “You had
better behave yourself, because this is God's house!” muttered
quietly, with a threatening tone, through a clinched-teeth smile, as
your mother's grip on your upper arm momentarily took on the quality
of a giant bird of prey's talons, pinching down on that one single
nerve that had the ability to momentarily paralyze your entire body,
connecting directly to the fear center of the brain and imprinting a
very powerful image of that same arm becoming the “Arm of God” to
wreak havoc on your hind quarters if you dared to ignore the warning.
Some of you, who attend conservative,
traditional churches may say, remember? My mother still does that,
but now it's weird, because I'm thirty! Anyway, Moms, think of it,
one day of the week (in my case twice on Sundays and midweek on Wed
evenings, too) when you know for a fact they will be clean, dressed
to your specifications, quiet, respectful and all in one place. It
was a mother's dream. So, I wonder, did we gain anything in the
exchange?
I get that it would be better to live
in a world where threats were unnecessary, no child ever needed to be
corrected and parents were eternally patient, but, we don't live
there yet. I am not suggesting that the methods of the past were the
best way of doing things, either, but I wonder if we have lost site
of the real goal of that methodology?
I recently saw a buzzfeed article,
shared by George Takei, that shared pictures of people's kids
screaming and throwing themselves down on the ground. The title
insisted that this behavior was hilarious. Do we really believe that?
I have eight kids, and I have never, once thought that. Not that a
baby's anger cannot occasionally be funny, but at four, five, six, or
seven years of age, it loses something in the way of charm, and by
the time they are thirty and throwing a fit when their non-fat,
half-calf, high foam latte isn't hot enough, it has become a
disturbing trend.
With my own children, we have tried to
install this once concept in them to curtail this type of behavior.
Other people matter. A lot. It really is not about creating tiny
little robots, who never lose their cool. Trust me, my kids still get
upset and tell me what they think about me on occasion. Mostly when
their own behavior has earned them some restriction, that they were
duly warned of, which they do not find (in their infinite twelve year
old wisdom) “fair”.
At these times I am sorely tempted to
recount the punishments of my own angst ridden teen years, when I was
grounded once for the entire month of August for telling my mother to
shut up, to prove to them how magnanimous I am as a parent, that
their five minute tirade only earned them a week long restriction
from television. Sometimes I do, but I digress.
Other people are important. They are
precious, and when we allow our behavior to interrupt, disturb,
insult, injure, or otherwise interfere with them, unnecessarily by
making their environment inhospitable, we are wrong. That's right. It
is not okay to throw fits in public. At any age. Not even when I
occasionally use my superior verbal skills to shame a “sandwich
artist” or sales clerk into correcting their horrendous behavior,
it is not okay!
So, what do you do about it? I think,
rather than debate what type of punishment is best, it is important
for parents to understand that you have an obligation to raise, not
children, but decent, caring, conscientious adults, that are
productive members of the human race. ( I do not say society,
because, currently, society could use more “appropriate”
interruptions) It's your job. It's expected. It is the bare minimum
requirement. Not keeping them out of jail, or off drugs, or not
failing school. If you are shooting for this bar, you are too low,
and it may be too late for yours. But it is still your job.
Yes, I am old school. Yea, I think this
is a big deal, and I'll tell you why. Because, if you do not believe
this, your kid is the sandwich artist, or sales clerk I referred to.
They will bring havoc with them wherever they go, creating little
hurricanes of self-centered, narcissistic, chaos. They will be
bosses, who think that employees are there solely to make them rich.
They will become office holders, who think it okay to make ordinances
and laws, based on their own opinions, regardless of the effect on
their constituents. Most importantly, they will become parents, who
raise, indecent, inconsiderate and intolerable human beings, and so
the cycle continues.
This is not meant to be an accusation
of bad parenting. It really isn't. I have made plenty of mistakes as
a dad. So did my parents. But, I think we are so ready to just find
the easiest way these days. There are no shortcuts. Your kids not
only need to know that you love them, but that you respect people
around you, and you expect them to do the same. If this is a problem
for you, trust me, your unrestricted child will find a world that is
ready to restrict them in a million ways.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
I talk to myself, a lot. Yeah, I know that is suppose to be a bad thing, but I know myself better than anyone else does, and recently, I have found a way of doing this that actually seems to be helpful. The idea came to me from reading "The Artist's Way" (a book I highly recommend, by the way) the author said she asks herself questions in her journaling, and then thinks through her own response, putting herself at a distance, away from the chaos of circumstances, and writes out her answer.
This appealed to me for a couple of reasons; first, I have tried to start mentoring relationships in the past to ask these questions and have found that they typically do not end well. Then I feel abandoned, and fine myself further off track than before, but I still need advice. With my Mother gone from this life, my Dad in the Philippines, and most of the older generation of my family either gone on before, or scattered across the country, it is hard for me to find people further down the road who have a vested interest in my success.
Second, I give great advice. No, really, I can count at least a dozen people who have sough other careers, gone to school, started a business, found the love of their lives, and have said to me, "It was that thing you said." that made them move forward. But, I still feel stuck! So, I decided to try it, and I am not sure why I decided to share it here, but.....
Here is a little of what I have said to myself lately, mostly regarding work. I left a few names out, because my questions were personal, but I think you still get the gist. Turns out I give pretty good advice,
Hey, Mark, what do I need to ask xxxx
about, or for, in this meeting today?
Start with telling him why you think
he can help, tell him about the venues, and ask him to tell you what
questions you should be asking. Let him steer the conversation. Don't
do your usual, try to impress thing. This guy is the real deal. He
could make or break this idea if he is interested in it. Do not
expect anything. Remove getting a solution from your mind. There is
no solution, there are only ideas.
How can I build up
a resume' writing clientelle, Mark?
Build your website, write things
about writing. Look for the opportunities, there are bigger things
than resume's don't get stuck on that. Offer it, sure, it pays good,
but you are not excited about resume's write what excites you in
writing, and entrepreneurial stuff and law of attraction stuff. Keep
it exciting for you, and just have fun. Don't post anything to make
an impression and DO NOT DO ANY KEYWORD RESEARCH. That is the road to
whoredom, the way to ruin writing for yourself. Keep it going, write
every single day, at least once, whether you have anything to say, or
not.
What should I do
about the carpentry stuff, Mark?
Take what comes. Don't go looking
for more right now. There are other opportunities right around the
corner, this is where we make our successful break for our real
destiny! Let your work speak for you. If you get referrals, handle
them like the absolute pro you would be if you slowed down and
focused solely on the work, not the money!
What do I need to
do to make my destiny come faster?
You know the answer to this, I am
not sure why you are asking. You stick to the program. You kick off
that social media campaign you wrote, for every page you want to
succeed, and you keep doing it, you don't stop. If you put up
enough good stuff, without worrying about keywords, or trying to fit
some audience, real, genuine stuff, it will happen! You will attract
attention, you cannot fail. Good, rich content, shared regularly will
get you there. Focus on making each piece you write the best it can
be.
What do I do with
the spiritual side of me?
You know this! Stop thinking of it
as a “side” combine your life, do not compartmentalize.
Decompartmentalization is the only way to be a whole human being!
Hey, Mark, I need
to write another industry application for xxxxxxxx. What should I say
about self publishing and digital publishing?
Tell them how excited you are by the
opportunity.
I need to make $500
today. What should I do?
You should stop changing plans, just
because the need is urgent, wisdom dictates that prudent action is
prudent action, regardless of the circumstances. Your moment is
secure. Now, go secure your future and stop playing at this shit!
If you try this yourself, make sure you do it in private. One of my kids saw me doing it the other day, and apparently, I was using gestures and expressions, even though I was not vocalizing, as I typed. Let me know how that goes!
Friday, November 7, 2014
I have been challenged to think and
study on the topic of Liberty recently and I am discovering some very
powerful things about myself. When I started, I was operating under
the assumption that this was a “fixable” problem with society,
government and community, but the more I think about it, it is like
joy and happiness, I can only truly be happy within myself. I can
experience happiness communally with a group, only if I am already
happy personally. I think the same is true for liberty. For me, at
least, this is a problem of “me”. I must first set myself free,
and give myself permission to be “at liberty”.
There is a lot of talk about waking
people up these days, and I think this metaphor is appropriate in
more ways than one. As a society we are a sleeping giant, or maybe
it's better to say, “sleepwalking”. In order for that to change,
each one has to awaken to liberty in their own lives. They must
become free inside, in their minds, hearts and spirits, they must
accept that this is the natural order of things, that this is their
birthright.
As this begins to happen, it spreads,
like so many things, through casual contact. The idea of liberty is
so attractive to the human imagination, that when we perceive it in
others, it almost immediately stirs up feelings in each of us. For
some, it brings a longing. Those people are so close to waking up
that it will take only a nudge to get them thinking and acting as
liberty minded.
For some, it brings fear. If that is
you, you must begin to unwind the layers of lies that encase your
mind. You are rightfully equal to every other person on this planet,
start there. For some, the “system” is so engrained in them that
it sets off alarm bells, they feel threatened by the idea of personal
liberty and can only conceive of a freedom that is granted to them by
someone else.
The way to awakening, is to begin to
reclaim all of those threads connecting things in your life, to
yourself, to your work, your family, your worship, your government.
De-compartmentalization is the key to enlightenment.
Compartmentalizing is what has driven us to just "do our jobs"
and separate so many parts of our life. You do not have a "social
life" and a "work life" and a "family life"
you have one life. They are all overlapping and interconnected in a
million ways and thinking of them as separate is damaging. You cannot
make choices about who you want to be, and what you want your life to
be if everything is disconnected.
We have allowed a segmenting of our
society, which begins at a very early age. We have believed myths
about age that simply are not true in some cases, or bear much less
weight than we have believed, in others. In school, we are divided by
strict age guidelines, and are taught that association with one's
“peers” is the right and sane thing. The idea that people one or
two years from my own age are the best people for me to seek out to
get the most out of life, seems absurd. It leads to a host of
problems, but the segregation does not stop there.
We are divided by race, by class, by
occupation, by political affiliation, geographic location, and
leisure time activities. The categories become so narrow, that many
of us could count on one hand the number of people we talk to on a
regular basis that are unlike us in any appreciable way. We hang
with people who dress like us, talk like us, listen to the same
music, watch the same movies, and read the same books. Meanwhile, we
are living on smaller and smaller islands created by all of these
artificial divisions and walls.
Here is what I suggest. Make some new
friends. Purposely go looking for people that are different from you.
Yes, at first, you may think you have nothing to talk about, nothing
“in common”, but you are 99.4% identical to every other single
solitary human being on this planet! That's right, there is less than
a one percent difference between you and Hitler! Or Ghandi! Or
Abraham Lincoln, or Ghenghis Khan!
But you don't have to have anything in
common to get along, or converse. In fact, all you need is one
quality that all humans possess from birth: curiosity. That's right,
the curiosity to know, what makes you feel, think and act like you
do. Understanding. Getting to know someone who quite possibly
disagrees with you on nearly everything you focus on every day takes
nothing more than asking them a few questions. Here is what you will
find, that .6% is exactly as small as it sounds. They have brothers
and sisters, mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, grandparents, favorite
teachers, the list goes on.
Get out and reconnect yourself to your
world. Don't let them segregate us anymore. It may feel that they are
trying to force us into one big group, but before they do that, they
want to break us apart as much as possible, because, if we trust each
other, we may communicate, and if we communicate, ideas start to
happen. When ideas really get going, things change, and real change
is not something the system can handle.
Imagine: what if everyone just decided
to stop believing in money? It is an illusion, there is no such thing
as money. Think about it. Where is it? What is it? Not the paper that
represents it, but the real money? There is none. Only 4% of the
wealth that gets traded in our economy even exists as paper money,
it's all just numbers in a big computer system. It all holds the
value we give it. So, what if we stopped giving that value?
What if? At first it would be highly
difficult, we have been used to this means of exchange for centuries,
but think about it, what is money? Have you ever watched an
apocalyptic movie, or even one set in the real world following a
devastating war. What happens when someone finds a pile of cash? They
laugh maniacally, or use it to light fires, but the understanding is,
it is worthless. That is because it has been reduced to its true
value.
So, if we stopped believing in it,
would we still go to work at the same jobs? Would we still make the
same choices? What if, instead, our wealth was based on what we
actually contribute? (yes, I know, this is a huge fantasy with no
basis in actual reality...yet) but what if? What would change for
you? Whatever weight you just felt lifted from your shoulders by that
thought, that is your chain. As Marley so aptly describes it to
Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, the chain we forge in life. WE FORGE!
I know this post is getting long, and I
may even be getting a bit lost here, but the system is only as strong
as our belief in it. Truly. When we wake up to the whole world, and
allow ourselves to see how all of the things we do, think, say and
experience are connected, it begins to awaken in us a desire to
improve that situation, and here is my point: I believe that longing
is the proof, that somewhere, latent in the modern man in
“civilized” society, is the knowledge, the belief, the certainty,
that we were made to forge our own destiny, and that we can.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
I have spent a large part of my life in
the public eye. No, that is not a comment on how successful I have
been at it, but I have a talent for attracting attention, and things
like being an actor, running your own business, and writing blog
posts that piss people off will do that for you. Still, it sometimes
comes as a shock to remember that I am not operating in a vacuum,
that people around me really are seeing what I do, hearing what I
say, and sometimes it is even impacting them.
This afternoon for example, a sweet
friend of mine messaged me privately to ask about one of my last blog
posts where I told of my adventures in a Guthrie McDonald's on a
chilly Saturday Fall morning. Seems she was trying to find the
meaning in it, and I wasn't really sure I had put any into it, or
nothing specific, anyway. I said as much to her and tossed a comment
about one thing that had occurred to me about it, which seemed to
help, she replied with a message that kind of stopped me in my
tracks, “Thanks, you are a role model to a lot of people, including
me.”
I wanted to scream “NOOOO!” “Don't
do it!” I am so messed up at times, that I don't know which way is
up, and I sure as hell do not want to be responsible for somebody
else's demise in following my example.
That was the second such incident
today, the housekeeper at the home I am working on at the moment
began to ask me questions about my faith, and I answered openly and
honestly, telling her about my misgivings with institutional church
and sharing some things from scripture about some things she said.
Then she asked me what I thought of a particular church, which I
won't mention here, but I spent quite a bit of time there, and my
experience was not all good. She asked why, and I was very careful to
temper my response. Not because I had anything to hide, but as Paul
said, don't eat the meat if it's going to bother your unbelieving
friend.
We don't live in a vacuum and this goes
two ways, not only should we be aware, not afraid, but aware of how
our words and actions effect those around us for good, or bad, but we
should be watching out for their welfare as well.
As I sat in another McDonald's for
lunch today, one of the managers on break read a story about a woman
throwing her own six year old child off a bridge. I nearly wept
thinking of what must have happened in this woman's life to lead to
this. Of course a part of me wants to toss her over too, but I think,
who was in her life that should have seen this coming and helped?
In our society today, we tend to see
ourselves in isolation, it is the era of the selfie, we are so self
reflective, most of us would not notice if the world really were
burning down around us, unless it effected us directly. While I abhor
government interference into situations such as the woman on the
bridge, there has to be a solution. Where are we when the crap hits
the fan in others' lives? Are we really too busy to help, or is it
something else?
Is it this idea that if we offer to
help, we become responsible somehow, they may look up to us. Like
feeding a stray cat leads to owning a cat. Too many times I think we
hesitate to do good out of a fear that it will cost us something more
than a bag of groceries or an hour of our time. After all, I have my
own agenda, and slowing down to help you might interfere with that.
But, as I said, and a lot of other
people agree, I don't want my government getting involved in the
messy details of private lives. So, that leaves me and people like
me. If we really want a less governed world, we are going to need to
govern ourselves. This means being aware of our influence on others,
it also means being willing, available, and aware enough to step up
when someone needs us. We have to become at once more self reliant,
and more involved in the lives of others, another of those beautiful
paradoxes that the kingdom of God seems filled with.
So, what do you think? Are we, or are
we not our brother's keeper? Where does responsibility for self end,
and reliance on others begin?
Monday, November 3, 2014
I was in Guthrie for a day. My wife,
who sells sex toys for a living, because it helps save marriages and
what not, was at a craft and vendors fair at a church there. (wait
for it, wait for it, that should be good for at least a comment or
two) So, I had planned to spend the day visiting some good friends,
at the Hancock Creative Shop and cruising around this great little
Victorian town soaking up the vibe.
My friends the Hancocks are real, live
artists, living in the wild, and they run this cool shop, which I
know will not be open at 8 on a Saturday, so I go to the local Mickey
D's to have my annual cup of coffee (I really am not a huge fan) and
write for a while. I take some time choosing my seat, not sure why,
but I just didn't feel “it” anywhere but up by the front window
at a high table.
I write merrily along on this little
writer's guide I was working on, which hopefully will be up on Amazon
in the next day or so, and I spent probably a half hour in peace,
sipping my overly hot black coffee. ( I know, but when I DO drink it,
I like it black and bitter)
These two old timers sit down to share
breakfast at a table beside mine and the conversation winds through
politics and the world series until it gets stuck on the idea that
any church that is not openly opposing the “gay agenda” from the
pulpit is destined to send their members straight into a fiery
afterlife.
I pretty much ignore it, but as the
conversation continues one of the two begins to talk louder about
“queers” and “gays” and “homos”. He comes to a point
where he begins to describe a book to his companion, which has in it,
every instance in which a law has been passed in these United States,
regarding abortion, gay marriage, the list goes on.... Supposedly the
book claims that with every stroke of the pen, God's wrath reigns
down, and can be tracked, within 48 hours, a terrible tragedy will
strike.
He links everything from the
SanFrancisco earthquake to Katrina, to the Moore tornadoes into this
web of his. “You can read it fer yerself. Right there, in black and
white, them liberals pass a law, and God smites the land.” he ends
with this grand proclamation. “Why do they think the Bible says No
Homa-sexual, will enter in?” he seems very pleased, his friend
quietly nods, and I lose my shit!
I walk over, and sit down. I look the
man in the eye. “What else is on that list? You know, the one that
says that no homosexual will enter into the kingdom of heaven.” he
sits in stunned silence. “Well?”
This is the passage to which the
gentleman is referring
On the contrary, you yourselves wrong
and defraud. You do this even to your brethren. 9Or
do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of
God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor
adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10nor
thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor
swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
“You know that anyone who is ever had
sex outside of marriage is on that list too? It also mentions the
unrighteous, which scripture teaches us we all are, did you know
that?” I ask, as politely as I can. “have you ever broken any of
the laws of God? Jesus said if you break one, you are guilty of them
all.”
“Well, that ain't the same, I
repented. They can't just keep on living in their homo lifestyle,
just going on screwing the next guy. Don't you know what God did down
there in the Old Testament?”
“I know a little, what are you
referring to?” I ask. He is warming to his topic.
“When that profit, that guy went to
preach to the wicked city, to tell them to repent and then they asked
for the men to be sent out so they could have their way with 'em. So,
God sent his people to march around it seven times, and it was
destroyed because o' homa-sexuals, it's right there in the book!”
He smiles, “You must not believe in the Old Testament, are you
defending homa-sexuality?”
“Sir, I am not defending anything. I
would ask, though, if you intend to speak for the same Jesus I know
that you would consider being a bit more loving in your approach. By
the way, the profit you refer to, was Jonah, he went to Ninevah, they
did repent, the men that asked to have the travelers for sex, were in
Sodom, they did not repent, and as for Jericho, that was Joshua who
led the people around the city, and homosexuality is not even
mentioned in that story. You are confusing three completely separate
incidents. That is a sign of ignorance. You, sir, are an ignorant
bigot, could you please keep that to yourself?”
He called me names, said I was a gay
lover, that I must be queer, that he bet I was a Methodist pastor who
conducted gay weddings and then insinuated that I did not know
anything about the Bible, probably never even picked it up.
“Well, no matter what I think about
homosexuality, I cannot find any place in the Bible that tells me to
do anything but love them.” I replied.
To which he laughed, lasciviously, “Oh,
I bet you do plenty of that, don't you?” he looks to his friend for
support.
“He's right. I don't like the way he
came on about it, but he's right.” the friend said, got up and
walked away.
“My brother's a homo, I don't need
you telling me how to handle it. If he don't repent, he'll get what
he deserves in the fires of hell. You're gonna be surprised when you
find out who the Lord is!” the man says, as he adjusts his feed
cap, spits in his coffee cup, folds his newspaper and storms out.
So, that's how I spent my Saturday
morning. How about you?
I asked God recently, to help me work
on three areas that I felt like he was pointing out were holding me
back. I asked to be more courageous, more honest (especially with
myself, in a good way instead of bashing myself) and to have more
humility. These are dangerous requests. See, God only has one mode of
teaching and that is through our experiences. He is not merely going
to sit you down and say, here read this great book and then you'll
have it.
Instead, he takes life and turns it
inside out to give us opportunities to expand in those areas, then
waits patiently for us to learn the lesson. Wash, rinse, repeat. So,
two weeks ago (about, I did not write down the moment, ironically, I
write everything else) I started making this my daily prayer, God
teach me to live the truth boldly and with humility.
The first thing that happened was in my
work. I am a home repair and remodel carpenter, and freelance writer.
Things are pretty cyclical in the self employment business and
nothing sucks worse than an election year. Everybody is nervous, they
know what they want, and are willing to pay for it, until they
suddenly are not, and that has been happening a lot this past Summer.
Consequently, we find ourselves a bit behind. This is not because I
am self employed, I actually make more that way than through any of
the jobs I have been offered, (if you know of one that pays really
well, has a flexible schedule and doesn't mind hiring neurotic
artists, let me know) but it may have something to do with the eight
kids and the monstrous old Victorian house that eats energy. At any
rate, the big jobs started drying up. I have had a couple, but I had
to fight tooth and claw to get them, and then a few have done the,
yes, as soon as possible, but we have to wait for money, thing.
There is no shortage, however, of
lesser work, the kind I think of myself as having outgrown about
fifteen years back in my twenty-five year carpentry career. Welcome
to humility training one o one. So, I take what I can get, and do it
to the best of my ability, working as if for the Lord, and not for
men, right? Wrong, I get depressed, and barely drag myself out of
bed. Instead of seeing His hand, I curse “the enemy” and push the
lesson away. But, it keeps coming back, and I am going to have to
deal with my pride, either this way, or the hard way when things get
really tough.
Next up is courage, and for me, this is
not about being timid, or fearful in the traditional sense. I have
not written anything on this blog that I would not say in front of a
thousand people, and that's saying a lot, because I don't hold back
much, except the really personal stuff, like this. So, he begins to
challenge me with all of the ideas and projects that I started to do
with Him in mind. Things that represent, to my way of thinking, huge
personal risk of humiliation when no one pays attention. Yes, I am
the guy who rarely gives all, so I can say to myself (if it falls
short) well, at least you tried, and if you had given everything, it
surely would have been a rousing success!
So, my list of personal improvement
projects gets shifted from one place to the next, I'll start this one
today, sort of thing. But it's time to set a schedule, quit running
things by the seat of my pants. I am getting too old for that. What's
sad is I can see that this kind of thing works. I see it all around
me! I know that when I wrote an actual business plan for my theater,
and committed to it, it happened, without my even needing to organize
the effort, it flowed! Time to get it down on paper, it really is
like magic what happens when we take our daydreams and commit them to
the real world. That, in and of itself, I believe, is the first step
of manifestation in a lot of cases.
Last but not least is the truth. I have
always given a lot of lip service to loving the truth.
Funny how sometimes you write a
sentence, it impacts you, and then nothing else seems to follow it up
quite right, so I will just let that one set there on its own for all
to see. In my life, the truth really is important and I want to be
someone who seeks it out, no matter what it does to my beliefs, or my
carefully crafted delusions. I want my beliefs, and the ideas that I
live by to contain as much truth as I can find. I really do. I am
willing to discard any belief that in my experience proves out to be
untrue.
This one is something really hard for
me, and that is to truly believe in the skills and talents that God
has given me. I did, once upon a time, I really did. I followed them
to the ends of the earth, believing that some day, it would all work
out, and I would be able to share them with the world, and still eat
and have electricity. When that dream died and we had to close our
theater, a huge piece of me went with it, and it's time for me to get
it back.
The truth is, I am a gifted actor and
story teller. I am a highly skilled theatrical director, scene
designer and acting coach. I have over a thousand former students,
dozens of whom are pursuing professional careers even as I write
this. But, when I look at it most days, all I see is the fact that I
had to close the doors because not enough people shared that belief
with me. That hurts. It turns what others see so obviously, and
remind me of, into stinging arrows. I didn't make it that time. Or
the time before that.
So, as I write this, I am struggling
with God on some dreams he is reawakening. I am dreaming again, but
for me, they all hold an element of the nightmare for the moment. I
don't know what it is about the artistic temperament, maybe it is how
long we live with our work before it is born into the world, but I,
for one, take this failure very personally. Even though I know that
the art was not the reason it failed. It was a business, and
businesses do that from time to time, often outside of our control.
So, right now, I am a big ball of
emotion and spiritual awakening and my moments are sometimes painful
realizations of what it will mean to become these things. And some
days, it almost overshadows the glory of an image I am beginning to
see, of who I will be at the end of this. Almost. But I refuse to
give up. I have come too far. I have lost too much and suffered some
really deep things, but I survived, and I didn't survive to just go
on surviving. There has to be more, there will be more, there is
going to be much more. Now, if I can just stay out of the way, and
keep my mind in the right place long enough for Him to finish this
next phase of me!
Friday, October 24, 2014
As I have been writing posts the last
few days, a thought keeps poking up through the rant in my head,
about why people believe things, and I think this is something that
most people probably don't consider a whole lot. Of course, I am so
sheltered, having grown up in a totally conservative environment,
where everyone's beliefs are handed down from generation to
generation, with no need to question them until recently, because,
the majority of people, while not necessarily subscribing to them,
agreed that they were probably true, at least on some level.
This makes me one of the worst judges
of what normal people do, or talk, or think about. But, in my
experience, a lot of people that I have known, seem to give more
thought to their choice of a favorite major league sports franchise,
than they do to their philosophy on life. That, or they spend about
six months during college, when they are taking philosophy, or
comparative religion, or psychology to gel their belief system, and
then they never revisit it, you know, set it and forget it, like the
showtime rotisserie.
So, I thought about it and I came to a
few conclusions, which are probably completely wrong, but I am sure
you kind people will be good enough to correct my misconceptions. So,
here they are.
WHY?
There are a few major reasons that
people believe the things they believe, most of them are, in one way
or another, inherited. Here they are in no particular order.
- Because my parents told me so
- Because I learned it in school
- Because that is what everyone else I know believes
- The Bible says so
- And last but not least, there are a few individuals who think it through, listen to input, read, study and come to well reasoned conclusions.
So, there they are. Now, let's take
them apart and look at them a little.
BECAUSE MY PARENTS SAID SO
For most of us, this one tends to wear
off a bit by the time we are fourteen. However, it comes back around
as the default when we reach adulthood, unless we find other beliefs
to take up space in our heads, but for the record, this is probably
the single worst reason to believe anything!
My dad, the preacher, used to use
this sermon illustration: A woman is preparing her first big Holiday
meal in her own home,and her mother sits at the kitchen table,
helping with odd things here and there. The woman pulls a large roast
out of the refrigerator, where it has been marinating, and promptly
cuts off both ends of it, putting the smaller, center section of the
roast into a broiler pan with the herbs and spices, and pops it in
the oven.
Her mother looks at her
questioningly and the daughter asks why, the mother asks why she has
cut the roast that way, and the daughter says, because you taught me
to. The mother laughs. Turns out the mother had been cutting the
roast off at both ends because the pan she had when the daughter
lived at home, was too small for a larger roast. In turn, this pan
was the one inherited from her mother, who also cut the roast ends to
accommodate the smaller pan.
It is a fact that
our parents do have deeply held beliefs, and that we tend to pick up
on them. Some are overtly shared, and expected to be carried on. Some
are unintentionally passed along through habits and traditions. In
some cases, we may not even know the difference, like the woman
cutting the roast, there are probably things in most lives that we do
thinking they are important, or sacred on some level, when all the
while it is just what has always been done. This roast cutting ritual
could have been passed down to another generation, and so on, if the
mother had never asked.
These beliefs may
be useful, and some of them may prove to be true, but accepting
beliefs, especially beliefs that dictate your relationships,
religious observances, or political affiliations, without really
knowing if you really believe in them or not, seems like a recipe for
an unfulfilled life.
So, how do you
explore these family heirlooms without being disrespectful? First,
there is absolutely no reason to say anything to anyone who will be
offended, until you have truly decided. You are an adult, and you can
choose your own beliefs. Where your parents are right, follow them
and teach your children to do the same, where they are wrong, drop it
like its hot. When it doesn't matter, just think it through, if the
belief adds to your life, keep it, if not, do what you want, if it
detracts, throw it out.
MY TEACHER TOLD ME
SO!
Teachers are great,
and if you listen to the news, they are the unsung heroes of our era,
but keep looking and you will also see that some of them are not and
should never be left alone with minors. In general, the truth lies
somewhere in the middle, and most teachers are hard working, well
meaning people who took their jobs to help young people get a head
start on life.
Teachers are fairly
well educated, and as such are looked to as dispensers of accurate
information. However, many of them also start straight into their
teaching profession, with little work, or other adult experience,
outside academia. Sometimes this creates a very narrow window of
information and they share mostly what was taught to them and from
approved sources that other teachers use as well.
In general, this is
not a problem when it comes to basic facts, but almost all of what we
consider to be beliefs are not factual information, but opinion based
ideals that we use as a framework for making life decisions. A
person with limited outside experience, who works inside a government
structure, with others who have a similarly limited experience, may
not be the best ones to get your world view from.
Everyone has
biases, the trick is to expose yourself to enough different points of
view to minimize the impact your biases have on your general belief
system. So, same as with the parents, when it comes to beliefs you
learned in school, expose them to the light of day, if they still
stand up, keep them, if not, meh...
EVERYONE KNOWS
THAT!
Everyone, as it
turns out, is a highly unreliable source of information. After all,
everyone, passed around a story that had youngsters and women
sneaking peaks into their back seats in fear of a gangster wannabe
with a hatchet, ready to take their hand back to their leaders in
some form of gang initiation. Turns out, this never happened, or was
never recorded at least, not one single time! But everyone was
convinced that it was true.
Recently everyone
has been up in arms about a lot of things that are going to destroy
the American dream, take your pick
- Illegal aliens
- Ebola
- Obama
- The NSA
- ISIS
The names change
from time to time, but there is nothing new in that. Before we were
so afraid of Islamic terrorists, it was Russians. When the iron
curtain finally came down, what did we find out? Were they our equal,
but opposite nemesis? NO, they were a broke, disorganized mess that
could not even keep track of their own nuclear arsenal. Everyone knew
they were going to get us, to the point that school children were
subjected to ridiculously pointless drills, in the firm belief that
their eventual attack could be survived by ducking and covering under
a school desk. But it never happened.
It is my opinion,
that none of these things will be our ultimate undoing, we will
destroy ourselves, running from one fear to the next, with everyone
cheering us on to our demise.
There are some
simple way to combat everyone's beliefs. First, do a little fact
checking before you decide to believe what they say. Find out for
yourself, especially if your health, safety, finances, or family are
at risk if they are wrong. In this day and age, information on almost
anything is available at your fingertips. When everyone was saying
that thousands were being beheaded by ISIS a simple search would
reveal that the source was one single interview which got repeated so
many times that it became fact over night, although credible evidence
was nowhere to be found, and even many conservative watchdog sites
caught on and debunked some of the photos claiming to show this
atrocity.
Think about it, if
there were thousands of christians being beheaded, wouldn't you be
able to find pictures? I mean, Rene Zellweger gets a little eyelid
tuck and there are literally hundreds of stories chock full of
comparison photos,and you seriously think that the same govt that
used this story as a justification to bomb another middle eastern
country straight to hell scrubbed the internet of photos related to
it? Turns out, there were never even tens of thousands of this people
group to begin with.
Same practice
applies, if it isn't true, or doesn't make sense, why bother with it?
In most cases, a simple, am I minding my own business? Test will make
it unnecessary for you to have an opinion at all. It goes like this:
Does this have a direct bearing on my life? No, scrap it. Yes,
continue. Is there anything I can do to change it? No, stop worrying
so much, Yes, do it! If it really does not effect you in any way,
stop talking about it, it's gossip, it's none of your business and
you are becoming a part of the problem.
THE BIBLE TELLS ME
SO!
This one is tricky
for me, because I happen to believe in the Bible as a source of
truth. But, I have heard more outrageous beliefs justified by
supposed Biblical support, or mandate, than just about anything else.
So, let's get started, shall we?
The
first stop on this little jaunt is, does it really? Does it really
say whatever is being claimed? In many cases, the answer will be yes,
and you may have to do a little digging to get to the truth. In
addition to a literal interpretation of a single verse,or small
passage, an understanding of context will often clear up many
misunderstandings. For instance, there are some verses, if quoted on
their own, or only in part, seem to say one thing. For example the
Bible says “We keep on sinning so that God can show us more
and more of his wonderful grace” but in reality that verse says:
“Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more
and more of his wonderful grace?” And the following verse adds to
this understanding by adding: “Of course not! Since we have died to
sin, how can we continue to live in it?”
This is, of course, not something that
I have ever heard anyone claim, or teach, but you get the idea. So,
ask, where is that verse, then go and read the passage, the chapter,
or two chapters surrounding it. Find out , who is talking? Who are
they talking to? Why are they saying what they are saying? Does it
really seem to mean what you heard it meant? Does that line up with
the rest of scripture, and what you know about the Bible and
christianity? If not, keep looking until you find the answer!
There are other more subtle nuances to
this as well, for instance, do you know the difference between a
translation and a version? Is the version being quoted generally seen
as reliable to the original text? Are the passages still relevant
today? Not everything that is in scripture is generally considered
applicable to modern believers. Is the language in the passage, other
than what was quoted figurative, or literal?
Asking all of these questions will get
you through many crises of Biblical understanding, and just knowing
these tips will put you way ahead of many people who even teach the
Bible themselves!
Before I leave this topic, I want to
hit on the doctrine of Biblical inerrancy. Basically, the tenets of
most evangelical, mainstream protestant denominations state that the
Bible is perfect. That it was protected by God so that it would be
perfectly translated, that the documents that are a part of it are
perfect, and inspired directly by God and that it is the complete
revealed message of God.
This is something I used to ascribe to,
vehemently. Then one day I realized, it does not matter. No, I don't
mean it isn't important whether it is true, or accurate. What I mean
is this, we cannot claim to perfectly understand all parts of
scripture. If you think you do, there will be an equal number of
equally educated experts lined up on the other side to argue against
your interpretation, so, ergo, whether it is perfect or not, does not
matter. This does not mean we should not strive to understand it
better and better as we live our lives.
Here is one question to ask yourself
regarding the inerrancy of scripture, why does it matter to you? I
know for myself it was a matter of self justification. In other
words, if I have this perfect book, and I use it as a filter to judge
everything in life, then I can know that what I believe is true, all
of the time. Another part of why it mattered was this, I could also
“rightly judge” the actions of others to know who was and was not
in the club!
I will argue the other side for one
moment. This document, however flawed, is the only tangible thing we
Christians have to base our faith on. It is the only single point of
conversion we can all point to and work from in understanding how we
should interact with each other, and it is the most complete record
of the life of Christ and His teachings.
So, is “because the Bible tells me
so” a good reason to believe something? In many cases, the answer
may be yes. But not everything that it says is as it appears,
especially out of context, and not everything someone claims it says
is true. Want to be one of the best educated Christians in the world?
Read it, from front to back, you will be more informed than almost
every other believer. Very few ever do that.
THINK FOR YOURSELF!
Above all else, you have been given a
mind, and a conscience. If you are a Christian, Jesus said the spirit
of God would reside within you. You have all of the mental, spiritual
and physical capacities to make good decisions, form good beliefs and
judge what you want to add, and what you want to discard. Ultimately,
you will be accountable for your own life, take this from Paul, the
Apostle
If one of the unbelievers invites you
and you want to go, eat anything that is set before you without
asking questions for conscience' sake. But if anyone says to you,
"This is meat sacrificed to idols," do not eat it, for the
sake of the one who informed you, and for conscience' sake; I mean
not your own conscience, but the other man's; for why is my freedom
judged by another's conscience?…
I love this last bit, why is my freedom
judged by another's conscience. No, it should not be. You and you
alone will give an account for the life you lead. Please, think about
your beliefs, get rid of those that don't fit. Accept new and better
ones when you find them and live by all of your beliefs in such a way
that you love all men, at all times, in all places.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
When I finished my rant the other day, I realized there were a few
categories I had left out entirely, so, not wanting to offend only
a small part of my audience, I decided to write a follow up. I cannot
tell you how much better it feels to not be holding back anymore. It
is exhilarating to finally be free to say whatever I really think.
Now, as a writer, do not get me wrong, there are filters in place,
and I have no desire to share any intimate details of my romantic
life, or anything like that, but just to stop avoiding things because
of people's opinions. It feels great!
So, in no particular order, here are a few more things I think most people should think about again, since their opinions seem to be half baked, and indefensible. Here we go.
SEX
Might as well start with God's greatest invention. That's right, sex was God's idea and not the Devil's, and being the father of eight, married to my high school sweetheart, I have a lot of things to say on the subject. First, I believe that God's best is for loving adults to be in a lifelong committed monogamous relationship. Part of the reason for that is that sex, like fire, is awesome, but can be potentially harmful in a lot of ways.
That being said, premarital sex is hardly the worst thing you could ever do. I mean, murder, rape, and a few others would definitely top the list. If my kids are reading this, it is the second worst, next to murder, which is what your mother is going to do when she finds out. So, keep your clothes on!
So, why is it Christians get so freaked out whenever sex gets mentioned, after all, there is an entire book of the Bible devoted to how, when and why you should be doing it! Solomon had some pretty kinky euphemisms as well, but I digress.
Here is the truth, married people, statistically speaking, have more sex than non married people, and report enjoying it more! It's true, we are also more adventurous, having more varied sex than our single counterparts! That's right! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/13/marriage-sex_n_1422644.html
So, what about the young among us? Should we teach them abstinence only? In a perfect world, I believe that everyone would wait for the right person. This is not that world. While it sucks that people other than their parents are frequently the ones to share the details of reproduction with kids, there is one way to handle that. Inform your kids early! Give them as much clinical detail as they can sit still for, as soon as they ask! Do not hide it from them! (not suggesting putting the video of your wild weekend on the big screen) there is a HUGE difference between "private" and "secret".
When we hide things from our kids, we have no one to blame but ourselves for their mishandling of the subject. Once they are old enough to engage in sexual activity, they should know, the good and the bad. Educate your children about stds and birth control as well. While I agree, I don't want my kids giving up before marriage, I don't want grand kids until they have a family to be part of.
So, I think you should talk to them about the beauty of it, admit that it's the most fun you can possibly have inside a human body, and tell them about the dangers of it too. Don't worry that exposure will encourage them to experiment. If you tell it to them in context and share your hope that they will wait for a mate, most kids will want to meet that expectation. Under NO circumstances do I EVER agree with parents shaming, or threatening children regarding sex. True, that while they are minors, they are your responsibility and their actions can effect you, so let them know that. This is not a thing where all of the repercussions always stay between to the two people involved. (watch Jane the Virgin for a hilarious take on how that works)
Your job is to love people, not judge them, including your kids. If you restrict them unnecessarily in this regard, you will regret it. They are going to make their own choices, so grow up and realize that you cannot program, and even if you could, you have made plenty of mistakes, and would not be a good cloning model for the human race any more than anyone else!
Yes, encourage your kids, provide them with a good example, but recognize that they ARE already autonomous, you don't get to grant that to them, they have ALWAYS had the power to make their own choices, just because you managed to make them believe this was not true, it was. They are born with the ability to rebel. It is choice that makes obedience powerful, not coercion.
If your child hurts someone with sexual behavior, as in the case of rape, or child abuse, you must allow the courts to do their job. Do not ever consider covering up for someone you love, as their next target may already be picked out.
DRUGS
I myself, am not a fan. I drink, a very little, something I started at the grand old age of 38, and I have never had more than five beers in a twenty-four hour period, and that was on an adult's only vaca week to Vegas where I had no responsibilities for my kids, or the need to drive. I don't like the way I feel when I take cold medicine, or benadryl and would not be lined up to take advantage of recreational marijuana were it ever made legal here. ( I live in Oklahoma which had prohibition until 1959) I don't like feeling out of control, don't like the burn of alcohol, the feeling of light headedness, or the realization that I am talking way too loud.
So, there you have it, I don't like it they should continue to ban it and jail those who publicly disagree. It will make the world a better place, right? Not exactly. I am a libertarian, and I really need to change my voter registration, so the poor RNC can stop calling me! I believe that drugs should be legal. I think that we have laws protecting people from rape, murder, pedophilia, reckless driving, destruction of private property, larceny, burglary, breaking and entering, trespassing, lude behavior, assault, battery, bank robbery, armed robbery, stalking, harassment, and public indecency. So many laws that protect people from the behaviors most commonly associated with the use of illegal substances, so WHY do we need to criminalize the act of ingesting the substance?
If you want the real answer, follow the money. Start with private prisons being a multi-billion dollar industry, with guaranteed occupancy of 80-90% in many cases. (yep, it's true bit.ly/thesharpenedspoondotcom )
Then look into how much money police and other govt agencies get from seizures of private property http://www.drugwarfacts.org/cms/Forfeiture
Then move on to the fact that this is a primary motivator for the militarization of police forces, and other government expansions, and one could make a very good case that the war on drugs has been good, mainly for one person, Uncle Sam.
I am for decriminalization of most drugs. As I said, there are already laws against all of the seediness and public danger they create. (if they do in fact create danger, we have not had a free society for so long, our perspective on this issue may be a bit skewed) It would empty out our prisons, stop man dangerous no-knock raids that are killing innocents and put a black market out of existence. Tax it, I suppose, although I think all govts on all levels waste more than enough now, and do not deserve any more.
PORN
This one is going to be a bit tricky. But I think there are some things that need to be said. Let me start by saying, that the sex trade is a complete abomination, and in every case where people are subjected to ANY sexual behavior, or performance, through coercion, or threat of violence, or monetary blackmail, or whatever. If a person is not engaging willingly, knowing and believing that they have a choice, the ones "forcing" this behavior should be sent away for a very long time.
I do not believe that there is anything AT ALL dirty, inherently sexual, or obscene about human nudity. Period. It is not the images in these materials that make it what it is, it is our depraved thinking. In the beginning, God created us to commune with him and each other in a perfectly innocent and completely unclothed state. We have the puritans to thank for much of what we believe about human sexuality, and they believed that even during married sex God left the building. Literally, if you died during intercourse, you were eternally "screwed".
I also do not believe that all depictions of the naked human form are pornographic by nature. I have appreciated the beauty in paintings, sculpture and photography without lusting, many times. But just as a glossy car spread can cause the seeds of envy, jealousy and covetousness to grow, so too, these images can be misused. Pornography, to me, is that form that depicts graphically, sexual activity and the human body posed and exposed in ways that are designed to elicit feelings of erotic desire. Not all things erotic are pornographic, either though. This is all my opinion, let's move on.
The purchase of pornographic materials, at least on some level, must be seen as a support to these types of activities, and for that reason, is really not a good thing. That being said, I personally do not agree with much of the teaching that has been prevalent on this subject in the past few decades, on several levels.
First, I do agree that lust is a sin, just as gossip, lying and cheating on your taxes are also sins. It bears the same penalty, Biblically speaking, as do all sins. Pornography leads to lust. It can damage relationships, create unrealistic expectations, and encourages extramarital behaviors.
Now, for the part where I disagree. I do not believe that a single usage of pornography is tantamount to adultery, and I do not agree that it should be grounds for divorce. I think in many, many, cases, some that I am personally aware of, that the use of standard pornographic materials on a casual, or regular, but not compulsive and disruptive level has been seen by many as the same as having an affair. I understand the pain the spouse must feel, betrayal, and the rest. I do. However, in many cases, the party engaged (typically men) has never even contemplated actually approaching another living breathing human being to engage in even a conversation about sex, let alone engaged in the activity.
Yes, I realize that Jesus said that if you look on a woman to lust after her you have committed adultery with her, already in your heart. I did not say it was a good thing. It does occur to me, however, that to hold someone to so high a standard in this one regard, while the wife is watching Real Housewives, engaging in all types of slanderous gossip, overeating and otherwise living in destructive ways, puts way too much emphasis on this subject.
This does not excuse men from their duty to lead a pure life. When you see that over 90% of respondents to almost any poll on the topic admit to having used some type of pornography, it would stand to reason that this is a fairly normal thing. Again, not right, but human, and in most cases forgivable.
I, know what I have said so far will be seen by many as excusing horrific behavior, I hope you hear me when I say, it is not my intent. In a perfect world, all men would marry a woman they truly cherished and thought of as the most beautiful in the world. I have made it my habit to adjust my thinking so that my wife has truly become the object of my desires, and the woman that I measure physical beauty by, but not everyone is going to do that. It does not mean that he is not a good husband, a fantastic provider and faithful to his family.
There are some expectations that the modern world, church in particular, has put on marriage and romance that have little to do with the Biblical picture. Our modern day ideals about romantic love and choices and feelings would be as foreign to someone from the first century as air travel. It is not that they did not experience these things, but they seem to have been more of a bonus than the expected, daily norm.
Beyond the "normal", consensual adult behaviors depicted in pornography, there are other categories, which present the abuse of humans, the inclusion of children and animals. This is not at all what I am talking about, and anyone who habitually seeks out these things should seriously get some counseling, as you present a danger to people around you. This is never okay. Again, it is sin, just like any other, and forgivable, but it should be dealt with before rape, murder, incest, bestiality and other things become a part of it in more than just the fantasies of that individual.
In addition while I think it optimal that all men eliminate pornography from their lives, for those of you who are financially burdening your families, or find your compulsion is interfering with your duties as a provider, husband or father, due to the time, energy and money you are devoting to this habit, stop hiding and find someone to help you. Shame and condemnation should not be a part of this, it is not useful, but regret and repentance are both Godly.
MEDIA
On to something a bit lighter. I believe that all human expression is useful. Some of it shows us what we should be, some of it shows us what to avoid. Art and creative endeavors are a tricky subject to navigate. When it comes to movies, books, music and digital media, I am a pretty open person about what I watch. I watch the things I enjoy. If I find that something disturbs me, or makes it hard for me to be the person I know God is calling me to be, I don't watch it anymore.
There is a concept that I have lived by most of my life. I refuse to use some list of behaviors to avoid and things I cannot do. (well except for murder, adultery, etc, LOL)
Paul said it like this in Corinthians:
If one of the unbelievers invites you and you want to go, eat anything that is set before you without asking questions for conscience' sake. But if anyone says to you, "This is meat sacrificed to idols," do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for conscience' sake; I mean not your own conscience, but the other man's; for why is my freedom judged by another's conscience?…
Why indeed? SO, I watch what I want, I read what I want, and I discuss it, like an adult. If I find that I have violated my conscience, I repent and a I do not go back to it. But, I don't need some general consensus of the believers around me, to buy a movie ticket. This is something that many modern believers will all but ignore. Our consciences have all but died from atrophy. You need to exercise it to keep it sharp, or when you need it,and you can't call for backup, it will not be there to protect you.
John tells us we don't need a teacher, Jesus promised to give the Holy Spirit to guide us, God promised OT to write his law on our hearts, and yet, we still think that human consensus is the best way to make individual moral decisions, go figure.
I know there is more, but I think I've said enough for one day. Thanks for reading, I hope it encourages you to think about what you believe.
So, in no particular order, here are a few more things I think most people should think about again, since their opinions seem to be half baked, and indefensible. Here we go.
SEX
Might as well start with God's greatest invention. That's right, sex was God's idea and not the Devil's, and being the father of eight, married to my high school sweetheart, I have a lot of things to say on the subject. First, I believe that God's best is for loving adults to be in a lifelong committed monogamous relationship. Part of the reason for that is that sex, like fire, is awesome, but can be potentially harmful in a lot of ways.
That being said, premarital sex is hardly the worst thing you could ever do. I mean, murder, rape, and a few others would definitely top the list. If my kids are reading this, it is the second worst, next to murder, which is what your mother is going to do when she finds out. So, keep your clothes on!
So, why is it Christians get so freaked out whenever sex gets mentioned, after all, there is an entire book of the Bible devoted to how, when and why you should be doing it! Solomon had some pretty kinky euphemisms as well, but I digress.
Here is the truth, married people, statistically speaking, have more sex than non married people, and report enjoying it more! It's true, we are also more adventurous, having more varied sex than our single counterparts! That's right! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/13/marriage-sex_n_1422644.html
So, what about the young among us? Should we teach them abstinence only? In a perfect world, I believe that everyone would wait for the right person. This is not that world. While it sucks that people other than their parents are frequently the ones to share the details of reproduction with kids, there is one way to handle that. Inform your kids early! Give them as much clinical detail as they can sit still for, as soon as they ask! Do not hide it from them! (not suggesting putting the video of your wild weekend on the big screen) there is a HUGE difference between "private" and "secret".
When we hide things from our kids, we have no one to blame but ourselves for their mishandling of the subject. Once they are old enough to engage in sexual activity, they should know, the good and the bad. Educate your children about stds and birth control as well. While I agree, I don't want my kids giving up before marriage, I don't want grand kids until they have a family to be part of.
So, I think you should talk to them about the beauty of it, admit that it's the most fun you can possibly have inside a human body, and tell them about the dangers of it too. Don't worry that exposure will encourage them to experiment. If you tell it to them in context and share your hope that they will wait for a mate, most kids will want to meet that expectation. Under NO circumstances do I EVER agree with parents shaming, or threatening children regarding sex. True, that while they are minors, they are your responsibility and their actions can effect you, so let them know that. This is not a thing where all of the repercussions always stay between to the two people involved. (watch Jane the Virgin for a hilarious take on how that works)
Your job is to love people, not judge them, including your kids. If you restrict them unnecessarily in this regard, you will regret it. They are going to make their own choices, so grow up and realize that you cannot program, and even if you could, you have made plenty of mistakes, and would not be a good cloning model for the human race any more than anyone else!
Yes, encourage your kids, provide them with a good example, but recognize that they ARE already autonomous, you don't get to grant that to them, they have ALWAYS had the power to make their own choices, just because you managed to make them believe this was not true, it was. They are born with the ability to rebel. It is choice that makes obedience powerful, not coercion.
If your child hurts someone with sexual behavior, as in the case of rape, or child abuse, you must allow the courts to do their job. Do not ever consider covering up for someone you love, as their next target may already be picked out.
DRUGS
I myself, am not a fan. I drink, a very little, something I started at the grand old age of 38, and I have never had more than five beers in a twenty-four hour period, and that was on an adult's only vaca week to Vegas where I had no responsibilities for my kids, or the need to drive. I don't like the way I feel when I take cold medicine, or benadryl and would not be lined up to take advantage of recreational marijuana were it ever made legal here. ( I live in Oklahoma which had prohibition until 1959) I don't like feeling out of control, don't like the burn of alcohol, the feeling of light headedness, or the realization that I am talking way too loud.
So, there you have it, I don't like it they should continue to ban it and jail those who publicly disagree. It will make the world a better place, right? Not exactly. I am a libertarian, and I really need to change my voter registration, so the poor RNC can stop calling me! I believe that drugs should be legal. I think that we have laws protecting people from rape, murder, pedophilia, reckless driving, destruction of private property, larceny, burglary, breaking and entering, trespassing, lude behavior, assault, battery, bank robbery, armed robbery, stalking, harassment, and public indecency. So many laws that protect people from the behaviors most commonly associated with the use of illegal substances, so WHY do we need to criminalize the act of ingesting the substance?
If you want the real answer, follow the money. Start with private prisons being a multi-billion dollar industry, with guaranteed occupancy of 80-90% in many cases. (yep, it's true bit.ly/thesharpenedspoondotcom )
Then look into how much money police and other govt agencies get from seizures of private property http://www.drugwarfacts.org/cms/Forfeiture
Then move on to the fact that this is a primary motivator for the militarization of police forces, and other government expansions, and one could make a very good case that the war on drugs has been good, mainly for one person, Uncle Sam.
I am for decriminalization of most drugs. As I said, there are already laws against all of the seediness and public danger they create. (if they do in fact create danger, we have not had a free society for so long, our perspective on this issue may be a bit skewed) It would empty out our prisons, stop man dangerous no-knock raids that are killing innocents and put a black market out of existence. Tax it, I suppose, although I think all govts on all levels waste more than enough now, and do not deserve any more.
PORN
This one is going to be a bit tricky. But I think there are some things that need to be said. Let me start by saying, that the sex trade is a complete abomination, and in every case where people are subjected to ANY sexual behavior, or performance, through coercion, or threat of violence, or monetary blackmail, or whatever. If a person is not engaging willingly, knowing and believing that they have a choice, the ones "forcing" this behavior should be sent away for a very long time.
I do not believe that there is anything AT ALL dirty, inherently sexual, or obscene about human nudity. Period. It is not the images in these materials that make it what it is, it is our depraved thinking. In the beginning, God created us to commune with him and each other in a perfectly innocent and completely unclothed state. We have the puritans to thank for much of what we believe about human sexuality, and they believed that even during married sex God left the building. Literally, if you died during intercourse, you were eternally "screwed".
I also do not believe that all depictions of the naked human form are pornographic by nature. I have appreciated the beauty in paintings, sculpture and photography without lusting, many times. But just as a glossy car spread can cause the seeds of envy, jealousy and covetousness to grow, so too, these images can be misused. Pornography, to me, is that form that depicts graphically, sexual activity and the human body posed and exposed in ways that are designed to elicit feelings of erotic desire. Not all things erotic are pornographic, either though. This is all my opinion, let's move on.
The purchase of pornographic materials, at least on some level, must be seen as a support to these types of activities, and for that reason, is really not a good thing. That being said, I personally do not agree with much of the teaching that has been prevalent on this subject in the past few decades, on several levels.
First, I do agree that lust is a sin, just as gossip, lying and cheating on your taxes are also sins. It bears the same penalty, Biblically speaking, as do all sins. Pornography leads to lust. It can damage relationships, create unrealistic expectations, and encourages extramarital behaviors.
Now, for the part where I disagree. I do not believe that a single usage of pornography is tantamount to adultery, and I do not agree that it should be grounds for divorce. I think in many, many, cases, some that I am personally aware of, that the use of standard pornographic materials on a casual, or regular, but not compulsive and disruptive level has been seen by many as the same as having an affair. I understand the pain the spouse must feel, betrayal, and the rest. I do. However, in many cases, the party engaged (typically men) has never even contemplated actually approaching another living breathing human being to engage in even a conversation about sex, let alone engaged in the activity.
Yes, I realize that Jesus said that if you look on a woman to lust after her you have committed adultery with her, already in your heart. I did not say it was a good thing. It does occur to me, however, that to hold someone to so high a standard in this one regard, while the wife is watching Real Housewives, engaging in all types of slanderous gossip, overeating and otherwise living in destructive ways, puts way too much emphasis on this subject.
This does not excuse men from their duty to lead a pure life. When you see that over 90% of respondents to almost any poll on the topic admit to having used some type of pornography, it would stand to reason that this is a fairly normal thing. Again, not right, but human, and in most cases forgivable.
I, know what I have said so far will be seen by many as excusing horrific behavior, I hope you hear me when I say, it is not my intent. In a perfect world, all men would marry a woman they truly cherished and thought of as the most beautiful in the world. I have made it my habit to adjust my thinking so that my wife has truly become the object of my desires, and the woman that I measure physical beauty by, but not everyone is going to do that. It does not mean that he is not a good husband, a fantastic provider and faithful to his family.
There are some expectations that the modern world, church in particular, has put on marriage and romance that have little to do with the Biblical picture. Our modern day ideals about romantic love and choices and feelings would be as foreign to someone from the first century as air travel. It is not that they did not experience these things, but they seem to have been more of a bonus than the expected, daily norm.
Beyond the "normal", consensual adult behaviors depicted in pornography, there are other categories, which present the abuse of humans, the inclusion of children and animals. This is not at all what I am talking about, and anyone who habitually seeks out these things should seriously get some counseling, as you present a danger to people around you. This is never okay. Again, it is sin, just like any other, and forgivable, but it should be dealt with before rape, murder, incest, bestiality and other things become a part of it in more than just the fantasies of that individual.
In addition while I think it optimal that all men eliminate pornography from their lives, for those of you who are financially burdening your families, or find your compulsion is interfering with your duties as a provider, husband or father, due to the time, energy and money you are devoting to this habit, stop hiding and find someone to help you. Shame and condemnation should not be a part of this, it is not useful, but regret and repentance are both Godly.
MEDIA
On to something a bit lighter. I believe that all human expression is useful. Some of it shows us what we should be, some of it shows us what to avoid. Art and creative endeavors are a tricky subject to navigate. When it comes to movies, books, music and digital media, I am a pretty open person about what I watch. I watch the things I enjoy. If I find that something disturbs me, or makes it hard for me to be the person I know God is calling me to be, I don't watch it anymore.
There is a concept that I have lived by most of my life. I refuse to use some list of behaviors to avoid and things I cannot do. (well except for murder, adultery, etc, LOL)
Paul said it like this in Corinthians:
If one of the unbelievers invites you and you want to go, eat anything that is set before you without asking questions for conscience' sake. But if anyone says to you, "This is meat sacrificed to idols," do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for conscience' sake; I mean not your own conscience, but the other man's; for why is my freedom judged by another's conscience?…
Why indeed? SO, I watch what I want, I read what I want, and I discuss it, like an adult. If I find that I have violated my conscience, I repent and a I do not go back to it. But, I don't need some general consensus of the believers around me, to buy a movie ticket. This is something that many modern believers will all but ignore. Our consciences have all but died from atrophy. You need to exercise it to keep it sharp, or when you need it,and you can't call for backup, it will not be there to protect you.
John tells us we don't need a teacher, Jesus promised to give the Holy Spirit to guide us, God promised OT to write his law on our hearts, and yet, we still think that human consensus is the best way to make individual moral decisions, go figure.
I know there is more, but I think I've said enough for one day. Thanks for reading, I hope it encourages you to think about what you believe.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
I figure my main job as a parent, is to
ensure that my kids do not grow up to be assholes.
I have had this sentence rattling
around in my head for years, and this is the very first time I have
ever put it down on paper, without editing that last word with
asterisks. Good grief. Here I am a man of forty-three years old, with
eight kids, and a wife of 22 years, and I just now have the courage
to put swearing into print. Sheesh.
For some of you, that last part lost
you, you don't find it courageous, you find it reprehensible,and yet,
I am dead certain sure, that if you have kids, you appreciate the
sentiment. For me, it is especially challenging, since I have allowed
myself to become one and am now in recovery, assaholics anonymous, as
I heard it put on a sitcom the other night.
Believe me when I say that anyone who
had been through the stupid crap I have been through, been kicked
between the uprights emotionally speaking, as many times as I have
would probably feel justified in just drifting off into
crotchetiness, but I happen to think there are still things for me to
accomplish in this life that are being hindered by my attitude.
It really all came crashing in on me
the other night while perusing my junk mail, which is pretty much all
the email I get. There was one article there about how successful
people deal with toxic people,and, for whatever reason, I was drawn
to this piece of flotsam in my inbox. So, I read it. Do you know what
I realized? I have never given a damn about how to deal with toxic
people and have pretty much written off every bit of advice that I
have ever seen in that vein for one simple reason, which I did not
realize until the moment I read that title, I am a toxic person.
If you have ever had a similar
realization about yourself, you will understand, why after
forty-three years of life, this came as a surprise to me. The rest of
you will probably not get it, but I am going to write about it
anyway, because this is what I need to do right now,and if you don't
think this applies to you there are about a half billion blogs out
there all written for similarly perfect people go read one of them.
Anyway, as I was saying, it hit me right between the uprights, with a
sinking certainty, that I never needed to know how to deal, cope,
work around these difficult people, because I understood them as only
a native could, I was their king.
It had always escaped me, the reason
that I was frequently socially swept aside, not so much rejected, as
marginalized. Included, but not in every way. Part of it was my
reticence to be a joiner, I have never been a true blue fan of
anything much, but part of it was that I have been making people
uncomfortable for a very long time, and it needs to stop. That was my
realization and it took me completely off guard. My wife, if she were
reading this would be shaking her head by now, because she has been
telling me this for over a decade, but of course, I can't see through
her eyes. I am one of those people who need to learn everything for
myself.
One of the weirdest parts of this
realization was this: not only was I being a jerk, but a big part of
the reason, and this is going to sound weird, was because I was
trying to be nice. Truly. Let me see if I can explain this. For one
thing, I am a know-it-all. Really, I am. I remember the oddest things
and rarely forget, plus my work history has led me into so many
different fields, and I read nearly anything I can get my hands on,
so I genuinely know a little about a lot of things, and feel pretty
comfortable sharing it.. especially when someone seems to be having
trouble with something I think I know. For another, while I am a
fairly forthright individual, I am also very sensitive, and so, I
frequently avoid saying things that I think are incendiary. But, the
problem is, those things also, frequently happen to be true, and
repressing them does not make it better, but it sure makes for some
beautiful fireworks when the repressed stuff I should have dealt with
comes out later at some awkward, inopportune moment.
In addition to all of this, I am in
love with being right. So much so that I will frequently find some
way in which I am right even in the most obvious of “you're wrong
and you know it” kind of moments. It comes off as pure arrogance,
even when the intention is to save face myself, it feels, to the
other person, that I am trying to make them look bad, forcing them to
accept the thing I am trying to avoid myself.
Then, there's the fact that I never,
ever, not one time in my whole life, have ever backed down from an
argument. So, wrap that package up and what do you have? TADA toxic
person in a box! Throw in a smidge of impulse control and a whole
lotta smart ass, with a bit of a temper (not given to physical, but
verbal violence) and you have a lot of fun at parties, am I right?
So, all of this comes rolling at me
through one little email, and amazingly, the take away for me, was
this: I need to be more honest with people about how I feel. Although
I have always thought myself to be overbearing, I need to have the
courage to speak up when something truly bothers me, instead of
waiting until it pisses me off. I need to stop cramming myself into
uncomfortable situations, to try and help. I need to learn to mind my
own damn business. I need to detox occasionally, in private, to
reduce the risk of infecting others.
So, what does this have to do with my
first sentence? Apparently nothing, but, my challenge to myself right
now is to write what's real, and this realization is real for me
right now. I don't really know much about parenting anyway.
Everything I do know was self taught, trial and error and somehow my
kids are turning out okay, despite me, which I hope gives everyone
who reads this hope!
You may be thinking, sheesh this guy is
a mess, makes me feel better about myself, and I can honestly say,
congratulations! Glad you don't have my issues to deal with, but I
bet you have your own, we'll get to those later. For now, I am
feeling just a little bit better, learning how to live in truth,
courage and humility. Maybe I'll get back to that not raising
assholes thing in another post.
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